


Gonna lose my mind (history keeps pulling me down)

by velannacousland



Series: Help Me Love, Don't Fail Me Now [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Language, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velannacousland/pseuds/velannacousland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's because there is nothing else to do in this tincan." McCoy explains to him one day during one of his psychiatry appointments for med refills. "They don't want to turn into Chekov so they focus on other things."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gonna lose my mind (history keeps pulling me down)

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from "Leave My Body" by Florence and the Machine
> 
> As for the timeline (so I can keep it straight, ha), I imagine that the away mission to Caprica was a year after the Narada incident and Into Darkness never happened. The Caprica story took a span of over 6 months, and Snapshot takes place in the middle of Caprica, obviously. This story takes place approximately 6 months after Caprica. So, approximately 2 years have elapsed into their 5 year mission.

Chekov loses his shit in the middle of alpha shift one day.

Scotty had been conversing with Kirk about an issue with a repair in engineering. This problem had plagued him all week and he needed a new environment with a new pair of eyes. The only other person that he trusted his baby with was its captain, so up onto the bridge he went. There he was, standing with Kirk next to the captain's chair when Chekov gets up from his station, walks over and slugs someone from security.

Now, everybody that is called to serve aboard the Enterprise has to go through rigorous training which includes reaction to situations. When a volatile situation emerges, Enterprise personnel are required to neutralize the situation with minimal injuries to all parties. Scotty himself had been through so much training he could vomit Starfleet rules and regulations for weeks, and he was sure that everybody felt the same way.

But it took people, including the Captain himself, in the bridge thirty seconds to really react. Twenty nine of those seconds was standing there in pure disbelief that _Chekov_ of all people was not only the aggressor, but the person handing someone's ass on a plate over and over again. It took Spock to nerve pinch Chekov to get him off of the guy, and that was after Kirk, Sulu, and Scotty tried to separate the warring pair. 

"I have no clue what happened, in all honesty." Scotty later says during an investigation into the incident. "The only thing I saw and heard was him pounding the guy and something about his accent."

It was later revealed that the security officer in question, Officer Jansen, had been conversing with Chekov about helping with him write the (late) report on the away mission that he went on with Chekov. The navigator, who is well known to have a thick accent, apparently said something that Jansen could not understand, to which the latter replied back "Can you talk clearer? Can't hear you through your accent, bro."

Officer Jansen was slapped with a verbal "be a little more respectful, _bro_ " from Kirk and Chekov got a write up and a "learn to calm down yo tits." (to which Spock lectured the Captain for a half an hour about the use of offensive language and how body parts could possibly be excited in the emotional sense. Kirk replied back that maybe him and Chekov can take the same sensitivity class and Spock's riposte was 'maybe that's not a bad idea, and both of you could possibly take classes to enrich your vocabulary, _sir_ ')

"If it was the first time, I would have been a little more lenient." Kirk says to Scotty in the cafeteria the next evening while both are eating spaghetti. "But it isn't. Lately he's had a short temper and has been snappy with everybody, though this is the first time he's gotten physical." 

Later on, when Scotty is in his boxers curled up with a nightgown clad Nyota in her room, she whispers "He's not the first. I think everybody is starting to crack up at this point. We've been up here in the black and stressed for so long." She turns around in his arms and faces him, cups his face in her hand and says "You gotta help keep me grounded."

He pulls her close and buries his face into her neck and holds her tight.

\-------------------------------

Lt. Hendorff is actually a pretty cool dude. He gets this bad reputation for being a meathead, but anyone would be extremely crabby if a very drunk James Kirk called you 'Cupcake' in front of your friends and patted you on the cheek like a child.

"He apologized to me after we got to Earth after the whole Nero thing." Hendorff explains to him once while they are both taking a smoke break outside of Engineering. "Told me that he shouldn't have said it, and that he thinks he's bigger than what he is when he's drunk and thinks he's invisible or some shit." He takes a big drag of the cigarette and slowly lets it out and snickers. "Told him that, hey, it was actually a good thing he got some kinda complex that day, reminded me that I need to work on my hand-to-hand combat if a drunk guy bested me and two of my friends."

Scotty doesn't know how, but after spending two plus years in space has turned him and Hendorff into pretty close friends. He best guesses that smoke breaks turned to conversations turned to a pretty cool friendship. It was during one of these smoke breaks that they discovered that they like to play the same video game, so occasionally one of them will go to the other's room and spend hours playing the video game.

"So hey gotta tell you what happened today." Hendorff asks at one such outing in Scotty's room while playing as a warrior fighting a hoard of evilly corrupted humanoid beings. "Dude what the fuck! You couldn't have waited to cast that shit until _after_ I got out of range? Now I can't move for shit!"

Scotty, who is playing as the mage, yells back "I told you to go after that rhino fuck that's coming after me!" Both of them frantically pushed buttons in silence for a few moments. "Anyway, what'd you have to tell me?"

"Caught two of my guys shootin' the shit like they weren't supposed to outside of the rec room." Hendorff says, guiding Scotty's mage through the map. "Talkin' about Kirk and McCoy. You know, the usual _are they or aren't they?"_ shit that's been goin on for forever. Then they mentioned you and Nyota. Said that they act like a couple, doin the same shit you and Nyota do."

Scotty froze and thought _oh shit oh shit oh shit_. Maybe they weren't as discreet as they though.

"So, naturally." Hendorff explains, still looking at the vid screen "I ripped them new assholes to shit out of for not only slacking on the job but slandering their superiors."

This allowed Scotty to slightly relax, but only slightly.

\-----------------------

A lot of people think that the crew of the Enterprise is immune to Starfleet rules and regulations, and that Kirk and his merry band of followers (Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, Scotty, McCoy, and Spock) are the same rank. Those people would be wrong on both accounts and the only people that know otherwise could vomit as much or even more than Scotty about Starfleet rules and regulations.

Had Kirk pulled the same shit he did during the Narada incident at any other time he would be jailed. But because he did save the world (literally) and the whole galaxy (maybe even universe) considered him a hero, he got a pat on the back, a whispered "and just follow the rules next time", and the captains chair.

(The only thing Kirk didn't get was the chance to pick his own crew, which he vehemently disagreed with, especially when it concerned the position of CMO. After many, many fits had been thrown, they gave him the crew he wanted just to get him to go away, and a 'Do not separate Kirk and McCoy' note in both files. But that's another story for another time.)

Because of their new found fame, the crew of the Enterprise was even more underneath the spotlight. Their every move was scrutinized, and Kirk made sure to make it appear as if they are following to letter to a T. One big rule that is discussed over and over again is Starfleet General Code of Conduct 12.15.80b. Starfleet General Code of Conduct 12.15.80b states that no Starfleet personnel be in a romantic and sexual relationship with their superiors or people who are one rank below. 

Uhura is a Lieutenant. Scotty, a Lieutenant Commander. Therein lies the problem.

Uhura doesn't really like public displays of affection, and Scotty wouldn't know how to properly do a public display of affection if it hit him, so it's really not that hard to hide it in public. Their relationship really hasn't progressed to the whole "let's move in together" stage though they occasionally sleep in each other's room (okay, they sleep in each other's room a lot, but they are always out before shift because they work in different parts of the ship).

So how the hell does everybody know, or think, that him and Uhura are in a relationship?

\-------------

"It's because there is nothing else to do in this tincan." McCoy explains to him one day during one of his psychiatry appointments for med refills. "They don't want to turn into Chekov so they focus on other things."

"Because it's fun. And profitable." is Sulu's answer, right before he asks Scotty if he wants in on the pool of Kirk and McCoy or Marcus.

\---------------

A week after Chekov's violent outburst on the bridge, Scotty is headed toward the rec room for some well deserved rest, relaxation, and alcohol after _finally_ fixing that fucking issue he was having trouble in Engineering when he comes across Chekov sitting against the wall in the Observation Deck. The young man had both legs stretched out in front of him, arms resting loosely on either side of them staring up at the sky.

During that week, everybody walked on eggshells around him, afraid that he'll attack them like he did to Jansen. There were a few close calls but Kirk made sure there was extra security anytime Chekov was on duty. The navigator seemed to become even more erratic, and seemed a lot more withdrawn. At this moment, Scotty observed, he seemed...relaxed.

Scotty had an idea, and it was a damn good one if he said to himself.

He walked in and slid down the wall to sit beside Chekov. He sat the mug in his left hand on the ground between them and poured the homemade brew with his right. He picked the mug and silently handed it over to Chekov. Chekov picked the mug up, took a sip, grimaced and said "What the hell?!"

"Aye." Scotty said, picking the mug up and taking a sip. "But it does it's job."

"That it does." Chekov replied. "Why are you giving me this...'alcohol'? I'm not going to suddenly open up to you and let you help me, so if that what it is, just forget it."

Scotty shrugged. "Nah, I don't really do feelings. This is me, sharing some of this god awful beer with a friend." He says, slightly shaking the mug. "You're only an alcoholic if you get drunk alone." Chekov snorted, but the two silently took sips out of the mug. 

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Chekov suddenly says. Scotty doesn't say anything, but Chekov continues to talk. "I just, I don't know, I thought I would be happy up here, away from Russia, in space, going to undiscovered places, but I feel restless. I feel caged, cooped up. It seems like every away mission fails, and it feels like the only thing I do is try to get the Enterprise out of danger. I feel like I want to run right out that window. I'm beginning to think I'm fucked up."

Scotty picks the mug up and holds it. "We're all fucked up." He says, taking a sip, with the light of the stars the only light in the room. "All of us."

A passing star's light passes over them. "What do you mean?" He asks, grabbing the mug from Scotty.

"I mean," He replies. "All of us have some kind of issue. No one is exempt. The sooner you come to terms with that, the easier it is to find outlets to not lose your shit in inappropriate places, such as the bridge." 

Chekov snorts again. "I'm sure not everybody has a suicidal wish to run into the vacuum of space."

"You don't know that." Scotty says, getting the alcohol back. "I still to this day am terrified of places where I can't find exits. McCoy is a functional alcohol and Spock bottles up all of his emotions until it explodes. Kirk really has no regard for his life and Uhura can't get into a shuttle unless she personally does the safety inspection." 

Scotty puts the mug down "I know it sounds cliche, but you've been feeling like this for two years. It's no wonder you didn't lose your marbles earlier. You have to find ways to channel your anger and find ways to shut your mind off before you permanently go crazy."

"Yeah?" Chekov asks. "How do you do it?"

"Aye, that's the rub." Scotty replies, staring down into the mug.

\-----------------------

The conversation still running through his head, Scotty returns to his room instead of the rec room. He sits down on his bed, staring at the wall, thinking about Chekov asking him _How do you do it_?

He doesn't. He's probably losing his mind and he doesn't even notice. He's too busy worrying about if people are going to catch his and Nyota's relationship than he is about his own mental health state. He thinks, _I've never really taken care of myself_.

_But Nyota helps me_. He thinks. She gives him reason to get out of bed. She, who held him before his first away mission after Caprica. Nyota, who talks him down before his panic attacks really start, and also helps him analyze exits. You always need to know your exits.

His thoughts are only broken when the door to his room opens, and the subject of his thoughts walks in.

"Hey!" Nyota smiles, and hangs her coat up on the rack she made him get. "Sorry I"m so late. I was analyzing some Klingon transmissions. They're getting smarter and starting to talk in code. Got caught up and lost track of time." She walks over and sits down next to him. "What's wrong?" She inquires after noticing his reflective mood.

"Nothing really." Scotty says. "Well, I don't know. People are talking about us. Chekov being Chekov."

Nyota laughs. "So, the usual." Scotty snaps his head and looks at her with a quizzical look. "Oh come on Monty." She says, wrapping her arm and pulling him close. "People have been gossiping about us for ages. And about me and Chekov, me and Sulu, me and Gaila. Whatever helps them from going crazy."

He relaxes and puts his head on her shoulder. "Aren't you afraid of people finding out? Reporting us?"

"For what?" She asks

"Because technically I'm your superior." 

Nyota rolls her eyes. "There are bigger fish to fry than if a lieutenant and a lieutenant commander are having sex. Like, say, if a doctor is having relations with one of his patients. Or if the chief engineer has turned a small portion of the flagship of Starfleet's engineering room into a brewery. And trust me, Kirk is not reporting you for that. But." She pauses to put her head on top of Scotty's "if it'll make you feel better I'll finally stop procrastinating and actually study for the lieutenant commander exam."

Scotty closes his eyes and grabs onto Nyota with a tight grip. He really just might love her. He's never told her that, not yet, but instead says "You gotta help keep me grounded."

**Author's Note:**

> The video game that Hendorff and Scotty are playing is a modified version of Dragon Age, which is my all time favorite video game ever. The curse that Hendorff send Scotty's way is the same shit I yell when Wynne casts that stupid grease shit that's effective when I'm not in the line of fire. The evil corrupted humanoids are darkspawn.
> 
> Also, Dragon Age isn't multiplayer (SADLY!), hence the 'modified' part BUT in the words of Mythbusters, I reject your reality and substitute my own!
> 
> ALSO thanks for reading and for the wonderful comments =]


End file.
